Monday, 19 January 2009

Who'da Thunk It?

Either as a consequence of the film's recent screenings and reception, or just randomly, 'House Guest' has been invited to be listed on the Internet Movie Database.
It's pretty exciting until you realise how much fucking work goes into it. So I thought I'd do a little breakdown for y'all. From talking to other film-maker friends, I've gathered that the website is, in theory, a free-for-all in terms of who can submit, a bit like Wikipedia. Although IMDB's filtering system is a lot more strict. If it wasn't, every Joe Q. Douchebag-Nobody would be submitting their dreary, waffley, studenty crap and the database would be bursting at the seams with mediocrity. It's primarily for this reason that I never would've submitted 'House Guest' unsolicited - after all, I'm the biggest Joe Q. Douchebag-Nobody there is.Even proper, award-winning film-makers I know have reportedly had trouble getting their work listed. My guess is the only guarantee you have of being on there is to either be with a major production company or have the site approach you. In my case I got sent a code to type in which I guess puts you nearer the top of the pile. From that point shit gets tedious.Names and titles have to be checked and re-checked - am I sure that the film I'm submitting isn't 'Houseguest' - the 1995 madcap romp starring Sinbad? Because if it is, they already have it listed. Am I sure I'm not either of the Ben Mitchells of 'Neighbours' or 'Shortland Street' fame? Am I sure Joanna Hepworth didn't play a prostitute in 'Gangster Kittens'?
Actually, I wasn't sure of that last one. She could very well have a secret acting career playing prozzies and kept it on the QT.Duller still is the technical info, which can't be interesting to anybody. I mean, it's my film and even I could give a fuck whether the sound is Dolby or just plain ol' stereo.
When you're done with that stuff you get to add less important, trivial bits, I guess to make the entry less clinical. Although, to be honest I couldn't think of much to add. Crazy credits...well, I did credit my pseudonym as playing a character who has no lines. Pretty kuh-razy, right?Ugh...I sicken myself.
Then you throw in some stills and a poster and, shazam, you're done!
They say it'll be a few weeks before it's listed, if they give it final approval. If they do I'll post a link, if they don't after all that fucking work I'll most likely just delete this entire post in shame. Then I'll spend the rest of the year trying to scrub the stench of failure off. I'll scrub and scrub until my flesh is raw but it'll never go away completely.
Either way, time will pass and events will occur. That's a certainty, boy-howdy.Ugh.

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