Sunday, 1 March 2009

Weighty Matters

So, the officialness of Faith No More's official return was even more officially officiated today when it was announced that they will be headlining this year's Download Festival. It's a safe bet to assume I'll be there. In my ignited enthusiasm I've been digging out collected rarities and merchandise from the band that I picked up at record fairs, market stalls and, of course, eBay. One such item is an old shirt I had when I was twelve, but my love for oversized Dairy Milk bars won out against my love for the band, and by the time I was thirteen it didn't fit anymore. Along with my various other projects, I'm determined to kickstart an ongoing personal endeavour that had plateaued for a while - shifting some of my bulk.
In 2005 I resolved to lose weight, for several reasons - mainly as a check-up revealed some potential liver problems.Around the same time, 'My Name Is Earl' debuted and I was astonished to see how much weight Ethan Suplee had lost since 'American History X' (a brilliant, underrated flick that he is both amazing and terrifying in). The clincher came that same month, when I made the geekiest trek in my life to date - meeting Pinhead. At the same convention was Ashley Lawrence, and the blurry photo of her and I looked alarmingly like a publicity still of Kirsty Cotton and Butterball, the hyper-obese cenobite.
(Left) Ashley Lawrence with some kind of blubbery monster. (Right) Ashley Lawrence in 'Hellraiser'...

From this trilogy of events I subsequently stuck to my guns for two years and lost over 100lbs. By the beginning of 2008 I'd hit my target weight and all my health concerns were no longer an issue, so for all of last year the loss slowed to a crawl, and I dropped a comparatively meager 15lbs overall. Still, my BA and MA graduation photos look like a before-and-after Subway diet commercial.
Now I think I'm ready to kick things into gear again, as I'm still well above my BMI. While I've lost over 130lbs all told, I wasn't just fat to begin with. I was fucking gigantic - we're talking that-guy-from-'Lost' proportions. Right now I weigh in at about 104kg, which is about 230lbs. If I set a new weight-loss target for 95kg (about 210lbs) by the time Faith No More play at Download, I may even fit into the shirt I haven't been able to wear for thirteen years.
It's still depressingly snug at the moment...

If you're wondering what the connection is between the reformation of my childhood idols and weight loss - well, there isn't one. Except that there have been few certainties in life, one being that Faith No More would never get back together. Every time Mike Patton was asked about the possibility since their split, he insisted that 'there was no music left', that it would be a 'chicken shit' move and that he wouldn't be the singer if it happened. Whether he now legitimately believes that enough time has passed for those reasons to be rendered moot, or just that the credit crunch has forced them to ride the reunion train, Faith No More are touring again and Patton's name is included in the line-up.
My long-winded point is this - if Faith No More can get back together, anything can happen. If Faith No More can get back together, I could be a director one day. If Faith No More can get back together, I could be published one day. If Faith No More can get back together, I could be thin...well, thin-ish.
It's March 1st, and I have three and a half months to go. I can do this thing...

No comments: