Storytime with Ben

As I've found myself with a much freer schedule than anticipated this week (thanks BoJo, you mop-headed dunce) here's a little story not remotely connected to Xmas, harking back to a time when people could congregate in the tens of thousands. Perhaps one day that will be something we can do again and you'll get more gems like this. Fingers crossed innit.

Happy holidays, m'lovelies. Stay safe.

Now I'm Hungry for Monterey Jack Cheese...

Came home from Download (all in all a smashing, sunny time) to some good news. The 5th Monterrey International Film Festival will include 'House Guest' in its line-up. Nice warm fuzzy feeling, so thanks to all involved with the selection.
I don't have any specific info about when it will screen, other than the festival runs from August 21st-29th. Oh, and it's in Mexico :P
Will post more when I know. In the meantime I'm gonna run my unwashed self a bath. This is what happens when you go five days without the amenities of civilised society:

"I never felt this much alive..."

I'm at the Download Festival, scrawling this entry on the back of my coach ticket 'terms of use' printout with a 20p biro I just purchased. It's the only item that's reasonably priced here - for £3 a burger, you'd think they'd be the best in the world, right? Wrong.
Aside from complaining about being ripped-off for sub-par patties, I'm feeling old and curmudgeonly for several other reasons. After spending twelve hours straight at the front of the main stage yesterday, my body is presently complaining when I attempt to move it in any way (like walking, blinking, or breathing in and out). Also, my face involuntarily scowls whenever a waft of second-hand weed smoke hits me. Damn kids.
I'm 25! How the fuck did this happen to me already? Why can't I be old beyond my years in a good way, like, intelligent and worldly and cultured and such?
Ah, the sun just came out. I'm chirpier now for its soothing warmth.
So determined was I to be at the front for Faith No More's reunion show yesterday, I was one of the first to get to the main stage at 11am. I then stood against the barrier for ten hours, watched seven separate concerts and nearly had my fucking ribcage crushed to powder against the metal barrier. See, in my grand master plan I failed to factor in the fact that there would be about seventy-billion angry, heaving, youthful fans of every band playing, and that they'd all want to push forward to get as close as possible, thus squishing the spinal fluid out of me. I'd never been so glad to be overweight, my bones shielded somewhat by a layer of flabby insulation as I watch about a hundred skinny casualties carried off to the emergency tent over the course of the day.
(I actually just made a face at the girl with the spliff. I SUCK. But I digress...)The discomfort I felt then - and may feel for the next few days - was completely worth it. Faith No More were phenomenal, grey/balding hair, newly-developed paunches and all.
Fortunately the main audience camera was based at stage right, while I was on the other side. I say 'fortunately' because I was so overcome that I probably looked like a twelve-year-old girl at a Jonas Bros concert, and I don't need that visual on film.

(NOTE - the rest of this entry will be transcribed once I locate the other piece of paper I originally wrote it on)

The Final Push

Well, I did it. I leave for the Download Festival tomorrow and I weigh in at 95kg, bang on target. Given that I shamelessly wolfed down giant portions of roti canai and crispy chilli beef at the HK Diner (best fuckin' restaurant in the city) last night, once that's out of my system it's possible that I may even have beat my target a little bit. But taking presumption out of the equation, it still means that in the last three and a half months I've lost a little over 9kg, which comes to about 20lbs. I'd be proud if I weren't so damn hungry.
So, to see if this adventure had any visible consequences, I put on the old t-shirt that clung to me so tightly back in march. Y'know, the 'symbolic' Faith No More/Ben of 1997 t-shirt. Well, I think the difference shows...Not only does it fit, there's even some slack from where the shirt hangs off my moobs (still there, the perky little fuckers). There's just one problem, one which I somehow hadn't acknowledged until now.
This shirt sucks.The layout's clunky, the colour scheme is off and the typeface is all wrong. Methinks it may have been a bootleg job. What luck, then, that the band have brought out new reunion tour shirts! Sneaky fuckers.
Apparel issues aside, I'm giddy at the prospect of seeing Faith No More live in two days. In truth I won't fully believe it's really happening until I see them onstage with my own eyes. This really is one of life's big deals. It may even knock losing my virginity off the top spot (no offense Anna, wherever you are - let's face facts, it wasn't a shining moment for either of us).
I will come back a changed man. Maybe I'll even be motivated to lose another 20lbs over the next three months...

Weighty Matters

So, the officialness of Faith No More's official return was even more officially officiated today when it was announced that they will be headlining this year's Download Festival. It's a safe bet to assume I'll be there. In my ignited enthusiasm I've been digging out collected rarities and merchandise from the band that I picked up at record fairs, market stalls and, of course, eBay. One such item is an old shirt I had when I was twelve, but my love for oversized Dairy Milk bars won out against my love for the band, and by the time I was thirteen it didn't fit anymore. Along with my various other projects, I'm determined to kickstart an ongoing personal endeavour that had plateaued for a while - shifting some of my bulk.

In 2005 I resolved to lose weight, for several reasons - mainly as a check-up revealed some potential liver problems.Around the same time, 'My Name Is Earl' debuted and I was astonished to see how much weight Ethan Suplee had lost since 'American History X' (a brilliant, underrated flick that he is both amazing and terrifying in). The clincher came that same month, when I made the geekiest trek in my life to date - meeting Pinhead. At the same convention was Ashley Lawrence, and the blurry photo of her and I looked alarmingly like a publicity still of Kirsty Cotton and Butterball, the hyper-obese cenobite.

(Left) Ashley Lawrence with some kind of blubbery monster. (Right) Ashley Lawrence in 'Hellraiser'...

From this trilogy of events I subsequently stuck to my guns for two years and lost over 100lbs. By the beginning of 2008 I'd hit my target weight and all my health concerns were no longer an issue, so for all of last year the loss slowed to a crawl, and I dropped a comparatively meager 15lbs overall. Still, my BA and MA graduation photos look like a before-and-after Subway diet commercial.

Now I think I'm ready to kick things into gear again, as I'm still well above my BMI. While I've lost over 130lbs all told, I wasn't just fat to begin with. I was fucking gigantic - we're talking that-guy-from-'Lost' proportions. Right now I weigh in at about 104kg, which is about 230lbs. If I set a new weight-loss target for 95kg (about 210lbs) by the time Faith No More play at Download, I may even fit into the shirt I haven't been able to wear for thirteen years.

It's still depressingly snug at the moment...

If you're wondering what the connection is between the reformation of my childhood idols and weight loss - well, there isn't one. Except that there have been few certainties in life, one being that Faith No More would never get back together. Every time Mike Patton was asked about the possibility since their split, he insisted that 'there was no music left', that it would be a 'chicken shit' move and that he wouldn't be the singer if it happened. Whether he now legitimately believes that enough time has passed for those reasons to be rendered moot, or just that the credit crunch has forced them to ride the reunion train, Faith No More are touring again and Patton's name is included in the line-up.
My long-winded point is this - if Faith No More can get back together, anything can happen. If Faith No More can get back together, I could be a director one day. If Faith No More can get back together, I could be published one day. If Faith No More can get back together, I could be thin...well, thin-ish.
It's March 1st, and I have three and a half months to go. I can do this thing...